Budget Battlers

This is one of the craziest stories I’ve ever heard.

Let’s call our man Bud. He manages his finances like a man walks his dog. (The man while he thinks he is walking the dog, in reality what the dog thinks is right — I am taking my master for a walk).

Bud is very strict with his budgeting and never allows any expense to overshoot his budget. NEVER. If he has a wish, first it becomes part of a wish list, progresses as a budget item, money gets saved on a monthly basis till the budgeted amount is achieved and then he buys it. Woe befall any item whose cost increases anytime during the save period.

Bud, after a due diligence and financial assimilation, gets married.

He has a little problem though. He had a single bed.

While his wife slept on the floor, an item gets added to his wish list. In due course, it gets added to the budgeted list and his savings begin and ends successfully after a year. He had the money now.

So he goes ahead and buys his budgeted item — another single cot.

He brings it home and sets this beside his other single cot. Wow — all fine except for a small flaw. The beds were now of different heights.

Bud is now trying to make amends with his second wife.

Legs are sweating

I have a middle aged, middle income and a middle of the road friend. An ideal employee, an ideal husband and father, he never had big dreams or ambitions and small pleasures of life made him happy.

The family used to live in a rented house. With his kids growing up, his wife wanted a house so that they can call something their own. So he took his first big loan and bought a second hand house. His income immediately reduced by more than a half while the interest rates continued going up. He can see the smile in his wife’s face when guests complement the public park situated right opposite the house.

He used to own an old battered 15 year old car. He was quite happy with it – it took him where he wanted to go – no powered windows, no power steering, no AC and not even a radio. He never spent much on it and never had to worry when it is going to get bashed next.

She started working to manage the ever increasing expenses.

Now the car wasn’t much of a looker to suit the house. He did not care much for these things but then one day he had to give in – he got a new car with all the bells and whistles. All were very happy till one day the wife commented while taking a spin in the shiny new car – “my legs are sweating”. Standards change very fast, you see.

The friend is obsessed with the thought of making his wife happy – to keep his wife’s leg cool. Who cares if he and his wife have to slave for the rest of his life – not him anyway.

Wanderers

I have been observing this person for the past couple of days. He sat silently in the temple not talking to anyone and not entering the temple always. Sometimes when the heat increased he came inside.

We were taking part in an event that involved reading of a religious text (Srimad Bhagavatham) for seven days. The days ended with a discourse by wise men on the philosophy of life. As is customary in temples, food was served during the entire period.

On the fourth day, I met him at another temple. That is when I noticed that he had a kit but appeared to be in no hurry to go anywhere. From his body language, I understood that this temple was his temporary halting place and the small kit held all of his belongings. He spends his nights at this temple and comes to the other one to spend his days – to have his breakfast, lunch and dinner, free of cost.

When I saw him he flashed a smile of recognition. He introduced himself as chandrashekharan from North Kerala. And then he opened up making his mind to speak in halting english. He is a loner. He has his parents and siblings but never depended on them. He said he just goes from place to place and wherever finds a place he can spend some time (get free food) he spends the time till the next function starts somewhere else.

He said that he does not have anyone but has the entire world working for him, ensuring that he survived. He has gone places throughout India as far as Allahabad, Hrishikesh, Badrinath and Kashmir – traveling alone and without spending a rupee. He says that he gets most help from people around the temples, from police and the army (surprised me). Three times he tried going to Kedarnath and failed – he will try this year too.

Gave me an insight into how people manage to survive and to what extent people are willing to push their way of life.

He said he takes life one day at a time (divided by three – food times). He said he likes the way he lived without knowing what he would like to do with life or how he would spend the next day. He seemed to be genuinely happy. I failed to understand that he needs to do something with his life. At last he made his point – he is interested in the journey of life – not the destination. Go wherever life takes you.

I was trying to compare myself, who gets anxious if a single insurance premium is overdue, with this man who does not know and does not care from where his next meal is going to come from. I sit at a home that I could call mine after 20 years, having a steady job working for someone else, maintaining a seemingly happy family and yet looking forward to reach a destination that is alluringly near all the time.

At 2 am, he disappeared – he continuing on his journey and I staring at the destination. I wonder who the wanderer is – him or me.

A Helping Hand

We were a compact gang. Each of us was different – some rich, some poor, some staying nearby and some not so near. We fought each other but had the magnanimity to honour the gang motives. We stuck with each other through thick and thin. And we taught ourselves the art of sharing and of helping each other.

One of the gang members was anxious. In fact, he was absolutely devastated. The examinations would start in a few months and he knew he cannot get through. English always terrorized him. He somehow managed to pass the rest of the subjects. English was the only one subject between being called uneducated and ‘SSLC pass’. This would be his final attempt – he knew he cannot pass and he wanted to pass it desperately so that he can muster some job or the other. His father cannot support him any longer because of family circumstances. He was keen to ensure that he did not add to the family burden but wanted to reduce it by being productive.

The gang got into collective thinking. All of us knew that he can never manage to pass if all of us made him study twenty four hours a day till the exams start.

I offered a dangerous proposition. I said, “I can write for you provided you get my photo in your hall ticket”.

Another friend offered his unique services. He said, “I can get my father to allot an exam centre far away from our place. It means that I can also manage to get the wrong photo to the right hall ticket”.

And so our friend is immediately overjoyed with the simple solution. Everybody go home happy that day. The samaritan’s father reluctantly agreed to do the gang’s beckoning.

And so one day the gang turns up at my house.

One said, “Okay, its time to start”.

I said, “For what?”.

He said, “Have you forgotten? You promised to write for me and tomorrow is the exam day”.

My head reeled. I had not studied and the centre was 200 km away. There was no time to lose. So we took a bike and all of us travelled the entire distance and reached the exam centre the next day morning.

I gingerly entered the examination hall. They found nothing out of ordinary. But exam supervisors sure were curious because I started writing and never stopped. Fast, furious and trying to cram as much as possible. The exam was over in half the time and I came out with my fingers crossed but totally relieved. More so was my gang.

The results were out. He scored 63% in English – the highest of all the exams. He was elated and so was I.

After 25 years, he remains a good friend. He still drives the auto that he started after becoming a qualified ‘SSLC Pass’.

(As narrated by my friend, Jayant Pande – 30^th of March, 2010)

The Manager

I saw this woman in a flight to Mumbai. One look at her and anyone can make out that she is on a mission. Set jaws, eyes straight ahead and a powerful projection of persona. She is out to prove to the world and the flight’s destination is what she is looking forward to right now.

Sure enough, no sooner did the aircraft’s tires hit the ground, she hit the ground running by switching on her mobile. She called someone – perhaps, her junior one of the hundreds of people working for her. Immediately she started shooting her bullets.

“Ok. Give me the status update’. She said already calculating the number of problems she needs to resolve.

The other person must have told something like, “Let me first get the update so that I can give you.”

“I need to know now. I do not wish to be kept waiting for problems to be resolved on their own. It doesn’t matter if they are bad. Please give me straight”. She said expecting the worst.

This could have been the response from the other end, “Well, the work is going on and nothing to report at this juncture. I shall report once we achieve a milestone" – or something to that effect.

She was actually irritated now. She said, “No. This will not do. I exactly need to know what is happening. It is straight in the line of your duty.” I got even more curious with the tone of the conversation. She must be handling something really grave – perhaps very sensitive and of national significance.

Perhaps, the other guy was a smart Alec. He must have given a vague reply like, “I am under control and you do not have to be bothered with such mundane stuff.”

She must be a very powerful person – she would not give up so easily. I wonder if she is a top governmental official who gets her work done or someone who has been a boss all her life. She said, “Please do not give me such pedantic replies. I know that you know and I need to know what you know”.

The guy is caught – I sensed that he had no choice now and must have given some facts. She retorted immediately, “This is not what I was looking for. There are responsibilities clearly drawn up – who will do what and when. I am not looking for daily reporting – I need hourly updates; clear and unambiguous. You are the person who shall ensure that each hour the progress is monitored, measured and updates given to me. I want the activities tracked against the plan. I need them now. I already missed two hours this morning.” She seemed extremely impatient with that seemingly inefficient manager.

I am not sure what the next piece of conversation was but sure she did fly off the handle. Her eyes dilated and she kept shouting in a muffled tone, hardly being able to control herself. The way she seemed excited, I was sure the nation is going to endure the worst of this failure of her manager. The plane still had not come to a stop now - ignoring all announcements to keep the mobiles switched off until the aircraft comes to a complete halt, she retorted, “What do you mean – he hasn’t reported yet. It is ten in the morning. You just cannot say, if he has not come, he has not come. This is grave injustice. I need the work done now. And there are dependencies. What about the risks involved. Who is going to bear the cost?” She seemed to think miles ahead – I felt she is planning for the future generations’ prosperity with such zeal.

When the full import of the message sunk into her – she moved away from the panic mode and switched into her solution mode. You can expect these only from the real mature visionaries. Those who have been in the line day in and day out of their lives solving complex issues of the society and the country at large. I was amazed at her tenacity and judgment.

"Ok. Let me quickly think. Please take notes even as I talk to you. Once this call is over, I will give you his number. His name is Selvam. He is from Tamil Nadu and you need to find someone who can talk to him in Tamil. Tell him that the work is waiting for him. He has exactly two days to complete the job. You need to talk to the architect who can specify what the problem is.” No wonder, I thought she is a person of great repute – who else but an enterprise architect would have such insight into explaining what the problem is. And she must be even greater to have an enterprise architect working for her.

Even as I was admiring her immense aspirations she has for her country – the next sentence she uttered felt like cold water thrown on my face.

She said,”Selvam is the plumber. He can know what the problem is from our architect. On my instruction, you have taken leave just to take care of this plumber and you tell me he has not shown up. I do not care what you do – get the plumber resolve the issue and let me know. Call him. Take your car to wherever he is and bring him. Give me a call half an hour later. Now I need to rush to office work.” That must have been her husband. God save him, at least from the plumbers of India.

I felt relieved. For a moment I thought IT people have really started showing concern for their work. Of course they do - for all their personal work. But this one took the cake. The language sounded so familiar even I was fooled by her.

This was not the first time where I came across people using their project management tactics in real like - it works very rarely. And even rarely still in IT.

I just smiled, switched on the mobile, took the incoming call from my boss and said. “I am still stuck in the plane. I will give you an update when I check out of the airport.”

Tea in NOIDA

Was in NOIDA last week for some training in a Bankers Training College. The first session went on fine and I was really thirsty and the tea break came in as a welcome break - or so I would think.

I wanted sugarless tea, milk for which was in a separate tea pot. Well I poured it in a cup and got confused. After pouring half a cup of milk, I was still able to see the bottom of the cup. Well then, as I was desperate, I just grabbed two tea bags and had a lukewarm tea "with milk".

I just wondered how they made this "milk". Either they must have added a lot of water to some milk or poured a cup of milk to the water boiler. I think both were wrong, they just cleaned up a vessel where they store milk and poured water in it. Vessel is cleaned and milk is ready - talk of recycling. The ultimate idea.

Crreeppy, The Genial Spider

Creepy the spider (named by my second daughter) has been with us, having built a home for itself among the pots of plants. After two months she has a full grown dragon fly for food. And after a month in August 2008, she is gone but leaves behind a healthy progeny to carry life in its journey

Inflation

It's the usual routine for me, just like any other guy on the street, rather on the road. I calculate distance in terms of money, not kilometres.

You go by car - you need to fill her up. Ok - with Rs.500/-, I can manage to travel to office for a week. If I leave early and come late - else if I get caught in heavy peak hour traffic, I lose a day.

Yesterday was the day of my car's breakfast day. I filled up her, and accelerated down the lane. It was a very bad time. I saw the needle on the fuel gauge where it was before I filled her up.

I got worried - it means I need to spend more money in setting this right. The fuel gauge is important - it had better work properly.

I went straight to the garage for her check up. He asked me what the trouble was - I told that the gauge stopped working since I filled her up. He asked me how much did I fill up. I said the usual Rs.500/-.

Then the attendant revved up the engine and saw the needle. He again asked me how much I had filled. I said - Rs.500/-. He said please let me know in litres. I had look up the bill - it was 8 and odd litres. I showed him the bill.

He looked straight at me and said, "well, it is where it needs to be. It is accurately showing eight litres. - and that is how much you will get for Rs.500/-".

I so far thought I was a normal intelligent person. I never expected inflation to make that dumb - even intelligence suffers during inflation.

Why?

This is a question that everyday several people ask - people like you and me.

Thousands die in China due to a massive earthquake. Did those people deserve to die and die like that. Why?

A severe storm ravages Myanmar (Burma) and thousands are marooned. Why?

You can call the above events as Act of God or at best, nature's fury.

But then in Jaipur human beings planted bombs to kill other innocent human beings. Why?

And closer to home - my uncle had a neighbour - a good Samaritan, a veteran and a helpful doctor at the service of the community. My uncle and aunt, a heart patient, are old. The doctor was their only source of strength. He was always there checking up the old people every now and then - before going for his morning walks or after his return from his clinic. He spoke very gently, instilling confidence in them. When they fell sick he was there at hand, arranging for specialist doctors for emergency care, talking to surgeons personally and just talking kind words.

He was not just a doctor - he has seen life. He was in Kuwait during the war and he drove down from Kuwait to India in a Citroen car, an antique piece - a very small car. He was very fond of it. Once he even allowed me to sit in it - I considered it a great privilege.

Two weeks ago, he came out to cover his car during a quick summer shower and while crossing the road, is hit by a motorbike. He is now totally paralysed on the right hand side.

I visited him today - he recognised and smiled at me with half his face. And then he did something I will never forget in my life - with his left hand he pulled me and kissed on the cheek. He is a true human being. It was I who felt paralysed with strong emotions. Here is a man who can show the power of love when he has lost everything. And to think that I was just one of his acquaintances.

I think if I am able to show this unbridled love to another human being in such circumstances, I can die peacefully.

And somewhere down the bottom of heart I am not sure if I got the answer to the question - Why?

It is better that we don't understand a few things in life.

Sick of Hospitals

I hate hospitals. Who doesn't, except for those whose livelihood depend on hospitals. I hate the smell, the spartan atmosphere and the sombre mood. It is one place where the familiar words - 'How are you' takes an entirely different meaning.

And sometimes, there is humour. Here goes.

There was this guy who is from a neighbouring village. He was gored by a bull straight through his body. Writhing in pain, he is admitted to a hospital in Bangalore. The entire village is praying right outside the hospital with about 10-15 people trying to see if there is any progress every 15 minutes.

The doctor decides to operate on him the next day afternoon. The patient is very glad he is getting the attention he deserves and basks in the glory. Inspite of the deep trouble he is sporty and has a smile for every well wisher who comes in.

The doctor advises him what he needs to do and what he is not supposed to do in great detail. And one of the things was that he should not eat anything next day until the operation is over.

The attendants prepare him for the operation and just before 2 O'Clock they arrive to wheel him to the operation theatre. While going the doctor asks, "You seem to be cheerful. I like brave people. Hope you had a calm morning". The patient replied. "Yes. I had a nice morning, Bless my wife, who brought in my favourite dish, Masala Dosa. It was sumptuous - especially before the operation."

I would have expected the chewed up masala dosa to spew out of his back. But that is a different story.

They wheel him right back to the ward. The doctor was furious. The patient never understood why the doctor was angry.

Just the way he never understood why the bull gored him.

(As told by my dear friend).

Water, Water

There is a wonderful town called Nanjangud - a town endowed with God's bounty. Lush, green and people happy with reaping the benefits of the land.

Just as any other place - once it fell into degeneration due to over exploitation and drought. One summer people started experiencing the cruelty of nature. It continued for the next few years and then it became really acute. The once harmonious people started getting angry, frustrated and demoralised. Their crops withered, the town's embellishments worn out, the town began sporting haggard looks.

The people gathered, thought it over and concluded that the Town Municipality has to resolve the issue and bring back the town to normalcy.

First a few people petitioned the Municipal Chief for water. After a few months they realized this was not going to work and intensified their agitation.

All the town elders formed a big group of the entire town and went to the Town Municipality Chief's residence to represent the matter.

When they reached the house, it looked forlorn. The chief's palatial house, once a pride of the town, looked deserted. No neatly trimmed bushes; No flowering plants and all fruit bearing trees bereft of even leaves. It seemed lonely.

Town elders took the long walk along the pathway and reached the entrance. The house seemed to be devoid of life. The Chief's mother was sitting at the threshold staring at the void.

The people's representative asked, "Salutations to you, Mother. May we see the Chief".

Mother replied, "May God bless you, son. May I know the purpose of your visit".

Representative said, "Mother - We need a solution to the acute water problem that we the town people are facing. We want the Chief to provide a solution at the earliest".

Mother pointed to backyard and said, "Go, son. You may meet the Chief at the backyard. He is drawing water from the almost dried well. He is planning how deep he has to dig further to draw water for the next year. I would suggest you do the same. We cannot change nature and it is better to plan and take action to alleviate the suffering".

And the people returned without meeting the Chief. All of them were puzzled as to why the biggest issue for the people a few moments ago was no longer there.

This happened many, many years ago and the town now is back to it's days of glory.

A real life incident as told by my dear friend Shashidharan A N.

Lord Rama from Gulbarga

This man is from Gulbarga. A professional village dramatist/performer who normally dons the role of Rama. The profession of rural drama is now going to dogs and he has come to Bangalore to make a living using the only thing he knows – as a performer. And begging. :-( I gave him Rs.10/-.